What a Girl Wants

This is a post for the gents.  It's been awhile since I've done one of these, so I thought it was about time to revive them.
A lot of guys these days are left wondering what a girl really wants in a guy, and what qualities are universally attractive to women.  Well, here it is gents!

We want honor and respect.

We are done with cat calls and whistles.  Nobody wants deep down to be treated that way.  Although you will see some girls dressed or acting in a way that does not demand much respect, if a guy respects a girl anyway, without making a big show of it, it strikes a chord.  It reminds her that she has more to offer than what society tells her to flaunt.  It challenges her to a higher standard.

We want protection.

We want security in the knowledge that we are protected.  Even if a woman is single and not looking for a relationship, it is appreciated if a man will walk her to her car, or intervene if she is in danger.  Especially those of us who have been in abusive relationships, lost a father, or had a work situation in which we were left alone and unprotected in a dangerous scenario, we really regard a man who will protect us.  Plenty of women will tell you that they are capable of protecting themselves.  But those of us who have lacked protection in our lives, and have been left with no other option than to take on the protective role, want nothing more than a knight in shining armor, willing to put our safety and needs above all else.  As someone who has been left alone in a traumatic situation, and forced to fend for myself, I will tell you that while I am very capable of protecting myself, I feel more dignified and valued when a man steps up to protect me.

We want heroism.

Speaking of knights in shining armor, there is nothing more attractive to the ladies than a man of upstanding strength and character, who fights for the truth even when it's unpopular, stands up for the little guy, and chooses the noble course of action, even if others will vilify him for it.  A man unscathed by the culture's push for mediocrity, and in pursuit of freedom for excellence is extremely underrated in this day and age, but not unnoticed.  Your actions speak volumes.  I've noticed that physical heroes, such as soldiers, and first responders are particularly popular.  I'm sure you've heard girls joke about the "sexy firefighter" or the "cute police officer".  Have you ever wondered why girls tend to be into them, or sometimes just a guy who's in shape?  If we have to choose between a guy who works out a lot, and a guy who is super skinny and fragile, we naturally will be more visually attracted to the more muscular one.  Why?  My theory is that we are wired to go for a guy who's equipped to carry us out of a burning building.  I'm not a psychology expert, but I think that's just nature's way of keeping us protected.  I am aware that caveman era is over, and I am by no means trying to shame the tall and slender gents.  This is just my attempt at explaining why girls tend to like guys who work out.

We want class.

A guy who knows how to dress, dance, do his hair, and interact in a crowd is quite attractive.  If you can make everyone in the room comfortable, leaving no stragglers, that will be noticed and appreciated.  Extra points if you can sing or speak in public!  A sense of humor is greatly appreciated, but it's not a necessity.  Remember, it's better to have no sense of humor at all than a vulgar one.  If we want to hear a vulgar joke, we can count on the internet for that any day.  But real whit takes originality and creativity.

Unique talents are appreciated too!  If you excel at kickboxing, play an instrument, or specialize in impressions, that makes you a very interesting person.

Every lady deserves a gentlemen.  Anytime you are on a date, hold the door, pull out her chair, help her with her coat, and open the car door for her.  Holding doors open does not just apply to a girl you are on a date with.  Wherever you are, whoever you're with, when going through a doorway with a lady, get the door for her!  Don't ever leave her holding it for you.  That's just lame.  As for chairs, coats, and car doors, use your judgement based on the situation.  If the context would make it seem like a romantic gesture, do whatever you think would make the lady most comfortable.

If a girl ever asks you who your role-models are, be ready to list a few men who you want to be like.  If you have specific authors and thinkers who have influenced your life, be sure to mention them.  We like a guy who is well-read and has people he admires.  Know why you like each one, and have a specific example or two to share.
Know how to dress.  Sagging pants are neither classy nor attractive.  Wear a belt.  Shave.  Come your hair.  You'll thank me later.

We want to be pursued.

We don't want a guy who will spend two weeks texting us, flirting on and off, or stalking our social media accounts.  We want a guy willing to risk rejection for us.  If you like a girl, then ask her out!  It's not rocket science.  A lot of guys will bang their heads on the table over it, prayerfully discerning whether to ask the girl out, but it shouldn't be that hard.  One of the male RD's on my campus put it this way: "Do you want to kiss her?  Then ask her out!"

There are plenty of creative ways of doing it, but it's okay to be down to earth.  It's not a proposal, so it is perfectly acceptable to say "Hey, are you free this weekend?  Would you like to go get coffee with me?"

We want leadership.

Again, this is something that hundreds of women will say they can do themselves.  And yes, we are perfectly capable of being leaders.  But no one wants a boyfriend or husband who will just watch football while she does all the work.  We want a guy with a game-plan, willing to humbly take the lead.  Leadership doesn't have to imply dominance, but we appreciate a guy who will take initiative, especially in the relationship.  Maturity is an important part of leadership.  True leadership requires death to self and the pursuit of something greater than your comfort zone.  Humility and maturity make a strong leader, which is what a girl wants.  Even when dancing, we want a guy who can lead.  This brings me to my final point.

We wanna dance with somebody!

As a woman, I can't tell you of anything worse than being at a dance, and standing against a wall, wishing you had a partner.  You're the gentlemen!  Go ask a lady to dance!  When the gents are outnumbered, this becomes particularly important.  One guy sitting it out means three girls sitting it out too.  Unless you sprain your ankle in the first dance, it is your responsibility to spend the majority of the night dancing.  For more on this topic, and to understand all the references I just made, see my post "You Can Dance!"

I know that it's hard to be a guy in this day and age, and it's no joke that manhood is under attack.  Please know that manly qualities are still appreciated, and there are women still looking for them.  Chivalry is not extinct, it's merely endangered.  Let's make a comeback!