21 Ways to Improve your Coolness

Joke of the Week:

Q: What do you call a cow without legs?

A: Ground Beef!

Quote of the Week:

"A clean room is a sign of a broken computer."

     ~Tumbler

Prank of the Week:

Completely cover someone's porch with cupcakes.

If you want to be more cool, consider the following tips:

• Use terms such as ¨bestie, ¨BFF¨, ¨BFFL¨, ¨fetch¨, and ¨perf¨.
• Wear only what is 100% trendy.
• Form cliques to show the world that your too cool for most of the people in it.
• Never throw away your trash. It's not cool.
• Make sure you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Otherwise your popularity is a lost cause.
• Take every opportunity you get to use profanity.
• Cry whenever you see a puppy
• Put up your Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving.
• Never ever say, "Merry Christmas".  A simple "Happy Holidays" will demonstrate your maturity through political correctness, and this will remind everyone that you are better than them not only in your awesomeness.
• Don't listen to classical music.  Stimulating your brain cells is severely nerdy, and doing well on the SAT is not for cool people.
• Spend at least two hours a day on social media.
• Whenever someone exercises their freedom of speech by sharing their political beliefs that contradict yours, simply report them to the highest authority on your campus, saying that they make you feel unsafe.
• Use the term "bigot" or "hater" to describe anyone whose beliefs you don't understand.
• Acknowledge the fact that you are not a kid.  Everyone under twelve is a kid.  At 14, you are not.
• Never attend a party without your phone.  A good guest must communicate with their host and their fellow guests solely through Twitter, Tumbler, and texting.
• Use your phone at the dinner table at home.
• Eliminate class from your dress, your vocabulary, the music you listen to, and your taste in general.
• Do not learn any Latin or Greek.  If you are rehabilitating from a deprived childhood full of scholarly languages, do your best to forget them.
• Steer clear of classical literature, and fill your free time with novels such as The Hunger Games, Divergent, and other books that are actually in.
• Do nothing that will develop your creativity or political philosophy.
• Shun anyone who does not model these tips.  Having nerds like them in your life will injure your popularity.