It Doesn't Have to Be This Way

What do you think of when you hear the word, "breakup?" Probably something in the realm of ice-cream, Netflix, and crying, followed by a series of ackward and unfriendly encounters between you and your ex.  Is this how it has to be?  No.

Despite what you might believe, it isn't like this for everyone.  We all have witnessed, and maybe even experienced a terrible breakup, and it's what we are most aware of.  It's what naturally wins the most attention, because the people who are having the terrible dramatic breakups are the ones making the biggest deal out of them.  What we don't see is the healthy breakups.  What?!  Yes, there are healthy, positive, and sometimes happy endings to relationships.

There are endless variations of breakup situations, each with its own details and complications.  I can't go into all of them, but let's at least look at some of the classic scenarios together.

Situation A: You were in a bad relationship that you are glad to be out of.

What to Do

Whichever party ended it, eat some chocolate to congratulate yourself on getting out of it.  It will come with some difficult moments, but be positive!  A better life is awaiting you.

Situation B: You have to Break His Heart

You were in a relationship for awhile, and it seemed like it was going well.  Gradually, though, you discovered differences between yourself and your partner that were causing problems.  You conclude that it is best to end the relationship.

What to Do

Talk it through.  Even if you don't both agree that you want to break up, you need to understand each other.  It's going to be hard.  There's no way out of that.  Remember that you are not the only one who's sad.  He's sad too!  Know that you're not alone, but be careful about how much time you let yourself think about him.  Allow yourself to process what happened, but don't get hung up on it.  Your job is now to take care of yourself.  After a breakup, you will have time on your hands that you used to invest in the relationship.  Fill that time!  For at least a couple weeks, you should use that time for yourself, whether that's by reading your favorite book, focusing more on your studies, or spending more time with your family.  Once you are feeling better, you may want to invest that time in others.  This could mean volunteering, hanging out with friends, or finding various little ways in which you can make other people's lives better.

Situation C: A Good Relationship Unexpectedly Ends

You were in what seemed like a great relationship.  He broke up with you, and you were not expecting it.  You are soul-crushed.

What to Do

Hear him out.  Why isn't he happy in the relationship?  Why does he no longer want to be in it?  Whatever the issue is, don't carry it out on yourself.  If he was looking for something in a girl that you didn't have, that doesn't make you less-than, or not-good-enough.  It just makes you not the girl he's meant to be with, and him not the guy you're meant to be with.

Situation D: Not Ready for a Relationship

Sometimes a relationship will have progressed very far before one parties realizes that (s)he is not ready to be in a relationship.  Maybe you haven't learned to love yourself without being loved by someone else.

Other times, one's routine can be disrupted by a stressful life event, such as primal loss or unemployment, and they can no longer be in a relationship.

What to Do

Be patient.  If your boyfriend has let you go over something that he should have fixed before dating you, you honestly deserve better, but he is going through some personal development.  If he was not aware of the issue until recently, we'll work with that.  He's not ready for you, and he needs time on his own.

Situation E: What if my Boyfriend is called to Priesthood?

I'm won't lie, this is a messy situation.
In this case, as much as he's enjoyed the relationship, he can only be fulfilled through a love deeper than he can find through another human being.  He is called to a special intimacy with God.

What to Do

You have a very unique case, and you're not the first(or likely the last) to go through this.  Just look at it as it is.  There is nothing wrong with you personally, or even with the relationship.  I have heard more than one priest talk about how they broke up with their girlfriends to pursue priesthood.  These stories always lead to happy endings for both parties.

Obviously, you are not called to the same thing as him.  But that doesn't mean you can't pursue a deeper love in Christ.  As a matter of fact, we are all called to put God as our Number 1, and receive His love above all else.  After all, no one can ever love you more than He does!  There's just no use in putting another lover above God.  If you haven't already dived into the abyss of God's love, DO IT!!! Don't look for another prince until you have a good relationship with the King!

Situation E: He cheats

I don't think I need to explain what that means.

What to Do

Dump him.  Emphatically and unapologetically.  March forward, and don't look back.

Situation F: He breaks up with you before he's even dating you

It is quite common to be talking to someone, and then not to start dating.  How does it happen?  Well, a guy may be pursuing you at first, but then decide to end his pursuit without ever asking you out.

What to Do

This doesn't say anything about you.  You are still the great girl he saw you as for two weeks.  To be fair, he still sees you that way.  He just isn't further pursuing you, because you aren't the great girl he's meant to be with.  There are many great girls out there, and you are one of them!  Don't think that you are less-than because you aren't compatible with him.  Let his temporary addresses be an encouraging reminder of what a great young woman you are!

Get A Break-Up Buddy

Something that makes breakups much harder and way more complicated than they need to be is when the recent exes spend the next two weeks texting each other to share their sadness.  It makes sense to want to do this, considering that your ex was your best friend, and you always talked to him when you were feeling down.  But continuing it after the breakup--to talk about the breakup--will only make it increasingly more difficult.  If it is for the better that you are apart, then the last thing you need is a temptation to get back together.

That's why you need a breakup buddy.  Who's your best girlfriend?  Talk to her.  After you've let your family know, call her up right away, and make her the next person to know.  Have a girls' night with her, and just eat chocolate, talk, and cry.

Public Encounters

What do you do when you see your ex at a party?  The classic reaction is to cover your face with a paper plate, or hide behind a potted plant.  But you can't hide forever.  And how awkward can it be?  Smile, say hi, then get on with whatever you were doing.  There.  It's over with!  The first time it happens is always the most dreaded.  It will still be awkward for a little while, but it will get better.  It's incredibly cliche to say "we can still be friends", but there is truth to it.  Frankly, you are still friends.  If hanging out as friends is too much of a temptation to get back together, then don't go out of your way to see him.  But when you do run into each other, just be cool, be casual, and be you.  Again, it will only get better as time goes on.

Every breakup is going to be sad at first, but know that it is going to be better!