Five Ways to Get Rid of Creeps

Well ladies, it's been a while, but I'm back.  I haven't had a lot of things come up that have inspired me to write...until tonight.  This morning, actually.  Yes, when it's one in the morning, and I can't sleep, what do I do?  I write a blog post about women's safety!

They told me in karate class when I was young that there are five basic rules to personal safety.  I still remember the instructor's spiel: "Use my thoughts, use my words, use my legs, ask for help, use my defense."  A karate kid is not supposed to use his moves on another person until he has mentally assessed the situation, and exhausted verbal power, tried removing himself from the situation, and failed to acquire help.

These five basic rules don't just apply to the kids.  We can use them too.  Admittedly, I'm not a trained professional, but I do have a few tips to offer in each of the five areas, to get rid of creepers. Several of them I have used before, and I have found them very helpful.

So let's set the scene.  You are at a party or event, and there's some dude who won't leave you alone. He may have had a little too much to drink, and he's being crazy creepy.  He's dishing you one compliment after another, and it all needs to be knocked on the head before it escalates any further.

Use my Thoughts:

Scan the room.  How many people do you know there?  How serious is the unsolicited attention you are receiving?  Is it necessary to do something right now, or would it be appropriate to give it a few minutes and see if he buzzes off on his own?  At what point will you act?  What is your plan of attack?

Use my Words:

What I love about words is that you have options.  So let's say this creepazoid is bugging you, and all you really need is for him to walk away.

Something I have done before and found very effective is faking illness.  The sensitivity of this tactic is questionable, but it works.  I once had a classmate very loudly address the status of a cough that I'd had for a few weeks, trying to show concern.  He didn't seem concerned to me, but rather wanting to appear sympathetic.  I took the conversation to the next level by telling him that, as a matter of fact, I had throat cancer.  He was taken aback, but when he regained his composure, he simply said, "Best of luck to you!" and he left me alone.  I felt so bad that within 24 hours I ended up telling him the truth, but that was still the last time he made a scene out of any medical condition of mine.

Other considerable options in the realm of illness are to tell the guy you have TB, AIDS, Anthrax, or just a bad flu virus.

A slightly less drastic and more ethical solution would be to make up something outrageously weird about yourself.  For example, pretend to pick something out of your teeth.  Ask the guy if there's still anything noticeable in your smile, and say, "I had a spider for lunch, and the little legs and hairs have been popping up between my pearly whities ever since!"

Use my Legs:

Put distance between yourself and the creep.  Excuse yourself to make a phone call or go to the bathroom.  If necessary, leave all together.  If you need an excuse, they are endless:

• Family emergency
• Your grandma's sick
• You need to go feed your dog
• Your friend needs a ride home
• Dorm curfew
• Another engagement you need to get to

Ask for Help:

There is safety in numbers.  If you feel like this person is following you around, go stand with a group of people you know.  Preferably a mixed group.

My all-time favorite(except for operation spider) is when someone you're uncomfortable with asks you for your number.  It's easy--give him your dad's number!

Use my Defense:

This is something you should prepare for long before you are in the aforementioned situation.  I highly recommend investing in a taser, pepper spray, personal alarm, or a stun-gun.  Also, a few karate lessons won't hurt anyone.  Well, they won't hurt you, anyway.

God bless, ladies!  Be safe!