You Can Dance!

"He danced only four dances, though gentlemen were scarce; and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young lady was sitting down in want of a partner." -Lizzie Bennet (Pride and Prejudice, page 128)

I'm sure all of us ladies have had a Lizzie Bennet moment or two.  Back in her day, everyone agreed that Mr. Darcy was rude.  But nowadays, it has become socially acceptable for guys to just stand against the wall and watch while several girls don't get asked to dance.  How did this happen?

There are a few myths that the 21st century has adopted, and I am going to lay them out one by one and destroy them.

Myth #1: You have to be Dating a Girl to Ask Her to Dance

How do you think you'll ever end up with a girlfriend if you never ask a girl to dance?  This brings me to the next myth.

Myth #2: You Can't Dance with a Girl who has a Boyfriend

In the words of Donald J. Trump, "Wrong.  Wrong.  Wrong."  You aren't taking her out, you are just dancing with her.  I've seen this go both ways: A guy won't ask a girl to dance because she has a boyfriend, or he won't ask her because he has a girlfriend.  Whether or not their significant other is present, a lot of people just feel awkward dancing with someone else.  But people, chill!  It's not a date, a marriage proposal, or a flirtation!  It's just a dance.

Myth #3: Asking a Girl to Dance is a Romantic Gesture

It's chivalry, I'll give you that, but it's not flirting or coming on.  It does not substitute for actively pursuing a woman, but it's an important step... no pun intended.

Myth #4: If You have a Date, She's Your Partner for the Night

Nope.  You can dance with other people, and so can she.  Don't be afraid to ask someone else who has a date, either.

Myth #5: You should be Nervous

Absolutely not!  All you're doing is expressing that you want to dance, and that she appears to be a qualified partner.  If she says no, all that means is that she wants to sit this one out.  In the unlikely event that she says something like, "No way, dude. You're weird!" it's her loss.

Myth #6: You have to be a Good Dancer to go out on the Dance Floor

Again, wrong.  At my first high school dance, I was an incredibly awkward teenager with 3 left feet, and absolutely no idea what to do with my arms.  But I got the hang of it pretty quickly.  Before long, every guy I danced with would warn me that he wasn't very good.  It's not a competition, gents!

If you want to be able to know what you're doing, you can literally learn the basic steps off of YouTube.  These days, so few people know how to dance that it doesn't take much to impress the crowd.  But what's really attractive to a girl is a guy who can lead... just sayin'.

And now for the classic excuse, "I don't know how to ask her!"  My good friend, here's how you ask a lady to dance:

1. Approach.  If you already know who you want to ask, start walking towards her.  It's that simple.  Set a fairly determined pace, but don't run.
2. Make Eye Contact.  When you're about five feet away, that would be the time to let her know that you're coming.  Don't just pop up unexpectedly like a jack-in-the-box.
3. Put Out Your Hand.  Ever so gently extend your right hand.  If you are feeling extra courteous, you might add a slight bow, but it isn't necessary.
4. Ask the Dumb Question! Say her name if you know it, and then say, "Would you like to dance?"
5. Walk her Back to Where She was Standing.  After the dance, thank her, and escort her back to where she was.

Austen, Jane. "Chapter 31." Pride and Prejudice. Ed. Maya Angelou.  Ed Daniel J. Boorstin. Ed. A. S. Byatt.  Ed. Christopher Cerf. Ed. Shelby Foote. Ed. Vartan Gregorian. Ed. Larry McMurtry. Ed. Edmund Morris. Ed. John Richardson. Ed. Arthur Schlesinger, Jr. Ed. William Styron. Ed. Gore Vidal. Random House Inc, 1995.